Dear Sex Witch: Kink 101

Q: Dear Sex Witch,

My partner and I have been pretty vanilla so far. However, I feel like I want to try some things I’ve always fantasized about, like watersports. I’m so nervous they will reject me, or make me feel ashamed for wanting this. What should I do?

Thank you for this question, angel!

I think a lot of folks will be interested in the answer, as communicating about our sexual wants and desires can be extremely vulnerable, and fear of rejection is real.

Here’s a couple things you can do to open up a dialogue.

The yes/no/maybe list

You can download these from the internet!

Send one to your partner and one for you.

On the list is an exhaustive run down of lots of sexual acts and kinks.

You check ‘yes’ if you’re really into something, ‘maybe’ if you’re curious or open-minded about trying something, and ‘no’ if it’s a hard limit.

When you’re both done, you can compare, after expressing that this is a ‘judgement-free zone’.

If it feels too vulnerable to do this in person, you can send the list electronically.

I think you might be surprised about what your partner desires!

Everything you have in common in the ‘yes’ column, is a go and can be added to your sexual repertoire.

The ‘maybe list’ is now open for discussion.

If you’re both interested in some new stuff, go slow and try one new thing at a time.

Email each other a sexual fantasy

First, establish a “no shaming” rule with your partner.

Then, make a homework assignment where you both email each other a sexual fantasy you’ve had.

This way it’s less vulnerable than sharing in person.

Your partner can respond to the email with the things about the fantasy that turned them on, or made them curious about it.

Then, you can go from there!

Make a Couple’s Intimacy Coaching Session with me!

Sometimes saying hard things to your partner is easier in a neutral, non-judgmental environment with a third person to support you.

If that’s true for you, you’re not alone.

I’m Justine Barre, sex educator and intimacy coach at The Witch’s Therapist, a holistic psychotherapist clinic in London Ontario.

Book your session with me at The Witch’s Therapist today.

Or, if you have a question you’d like answered, leave it in the box below.

Submit your question anonymously:

The Witch's Therapist
242 Dundas St.
London, Ontario
Canada
N6A 1H3
1-226-977-1660
► London Ontario Holistic Psychotherapy

The Witch's Therapist is located in London, Ontario and offers holistic psychotherapy therapy throughout London and surrounding areas.
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