Mindful Self-Compassion: Learning to Meet Yourself with Kindness
Why do people seek out holistic psychotherapy?
The simple answer is to say it’s because they’re looking for support with a holistic approach to anxiety, depression, or chronic stress.
There is truth to this, but it’s also a bit blunt.
What we view as anxiety or depression is just one manifestation of how our minds react to our experiences.
For some, these can be related to past traumas, our own or those passed down through intergenerational trauma.
For others, it’s the emotional impacts of late-stage capitalism dragging us down.
For still others, it can be related to navigating the world as a disabled person, a racialized person, a queer person, or any of the many intersections of these and other marginalized identities.
There are as many causes for these feelings as there are individuals who feel them.
But some arrive at their first psychotherapy session believing they need to try harder, be better, or finally get it right.
They often arrive tired, tense, and carrying a loud inner voice that tells them they’re failing in some way.
Mindful self-compassion offers a different path.
Rather than pushing, fixing, or judging, mindful self-compassion invites us to pause and meet ourselves with kindness.
It asks a simple but powerful question: What happens if I respond to my pain with compassion?
From a holistic psychotherapy perspective, self-compassion is a foundation for emotional healing.
Today on The Witch’s Therapist’s psychotherapy blog, we’ll explore mindful self-compassion further.
What Is Mindful Self-Compassion?
Mindfulness is a practice formalized by the psychologist Jon Kabat-Zinn in 1979.
However, it has its origins in millennia-old Buddhist practices.
Simply put, it’s the practice of being fully present.
It means observing our experiences, rather than reacting to them.
It means silencing our inner critic and simply experiencing each moment as it is.
What happens when we add mindfulness to a practice of self-compassion?
We begin to notice what we’re feeling and respond with care instead of judgment.
From a therapeutic perspective, we often see tensions melt away.
This creates space for curiosity, perspective, creativity, and more.
And because of this spaciousness, a new way unfolds.
This allows people to shift from a place of stuck emotions to a place of freedom or change.
We notice what’s happening in the here and now.
We remember that we aren’t alone in our struggles.
And we offer kindness to ourselves instead of blame.
This practice, however, does not ask us to ignore pain or pretend things are fine.
Mindful self-compassion allows us to be honest about what we feel while doing so with gentleness.
Self-kindness and healing grow together.
When we meet our feelings with care, our system softens.
We feel less alone inside ourselves.
We become present.
The Inner Critic and the Cost of Self-Judgment
Most people have an inner critic.
This voice often sounds harsh, demanding, or shaming.
The inner critic usually developed for a reason.
It may have helped us stay safe, perform well, or avoid rejection.
In that way, it is not the enemy.
Inner critic work is not about getting rid of this voice. It is about listening with curiosity instead of fear.
Over time, constant self-judgment can take a real toll.
It can increase anxiety.
It can make us feel tense, ashamed.
It can keep the nervous system stuck in a state of threat.
When we bring mindful self-compassion to inner critic work, we begin to ask:
What is this part trying to protect?
What does it need to feel safer?
This shift alone can create space for change.
Shame, Protection, and the Loss of Self-Compassion
What is shame?
It’s an emotion, like any other.
It may not always be a pleasant feeling, but it’s neither positive nor negative.
It simply is.
However, shame can be a negative force in our lives.
It can tell us there is something wrong with who we are.
It pulls us inward and makes us want to hide.
In many cases, shame forms early.
It often comes from our family or cultural dynamics, traumas, or feelings of being misunderstood.
Shame can be loud.
Over time, it can block our ability to offer ourselves kindness.
Shame-informed therapy recognizes that shame is a protective response shaped by experience.
From this lens, mindful self-compassion becomes an act of repair.
As difficult as it can be, mindful self-compassion invites us to gently turn toward our feelings of shame.
It helps us better understand the root cause of our shame.
From there, we can begin parsing through those feelings with greater emotional safety.
And again, by witnessing the shame we feel with compassion, love, and understanding, we can release it.
Mindfulness, Awareness, and Emotional Regulation Skills
What is emotional regulation?
There are plenty of different definitions.
But at its core, emotional regulation is simply our ability to be present with our feelings.
For many people, this means reducing their intensity.
In some cases, that’s what’s needed.
But for others, it means increasing their capacity to sit with their emotions.
That way, their capacity exceeds their emotions.
The core of these skills is rooted in mindfulness.
How so?
One way to practice this is through mindful separation.
This is the act of becoming aware of our emotions rather than embodying them.
To feel them rather than become them.
Simply put, this is the difference between “I’m feeling anger” and “I am angry”.
Another option is to observe our emotions and the situation that triggers them.
This may mean reconsidering how you view situations that elicit emotional responses.
However, before we can do so, we must first notice what’s happening.
This includes tapping into your body’s somatic sensations.
RELATED: What Is Somatic Therapy?
It means understanding your emotions as they rise and fall.
It means observing your thoughts, without judgment.
This can help you build the clarity needed to see past your initial overwhelm.
When you pause and notice, your nervous system has a chance to settle.
You can respond instead of react.
Mindful self-compassion adds warmth to this process.
Self-Compassion and the Nervous System
The nervous system is always asking one main question: Am I safe?
Its goal is to keep you protected from anything that could harm you.
But it’s easy to let your nervous system get carried away.
Self-kindness and healing send powerful signals of safety to the body.
A gentle tone, a kind phrase, or a hand on the chest can help your nervous system settle.
For some people, kindness may feel unfamiliar or even unsafe at first.
This is common, especially for those with trauma histories.
RELATED: What Is Reparenting Your Inner Child?
But there’s no rush.
Mindful self-compassion has no rules about pace.
Small moments of care, practiced again and again, can help the nervous system learn that safety is possible.
Self-Acceptance as a Pathway to Personal Growth
After a history receiving invalidating messages, it can end up feeling stifling.
We can end up feeling stuck where we are, without a clear path forward.
Mindful self-compassion can help here as well.
One of the keys to mindful self-compassion is self-acceptance.
When we accept ourselves as we are, we give ourselves room to grow.
How?
Consider a journey.
In its simplest form, a journey is movement from point A to point B.
How do you get to point B?
That depends on where point A is.
Mindful self-compassion helps us to understand point A.
It recognizes that while point A is our departure point, it’s a temporary condition.
It helps us understand that we don’t have to hate ourselves in order to change who we are.
No matter where you are in life, you can still grow.
Simple Mindful Self-Compassion Practices
What does a practice of mindful self-compassion look like?
Each person can have their own approach to this process.
There’s no one right answer.
But you don’t need long rituals or perfect focus to begin.
Here are some simple practices.
Compassionate Pause
Take a deep breath.
Notice how your breath feels as it flows into, then out of, your lungs.
How does it feel?
Try to give the feeling a name.
During this process, offer yourself a kind statement.
Some simple ones to consider include:
· I am safe
· My feelings are real
· I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough
· I deserve the kindness I offer to others
· My feelings are worth respecting
If these don’t resonate, feel free to create your own.
Soften Your Inner Critic
If your inner critic is loud, you may be used to feeling like you have to compete with it.
But this is not an opportunity for argument.
When your inner critic speaks, respond with curiosity instead of argument.
Try to understand where that voice is coming from.
Does it take the place of a specific person in your life?
Or perhaps a specific role?
What is it saying to you, and why?
This can help you understand the source of your inner critic.
It helps to defang them.
They’re there to protect you, not sabotage you.
Book Your Appointment with The Witch’s Therapist Today
Mindful self-compassion is a practice you can return to again and again, throughout life.
Through inner critic work, emotional regulation skills, and relational safety in therapy, self-kindness can become more accessible over time.
For some, this journey is easier than others.
If you’d like some extra support in your journey of mindful self-compassion, we’re here to help.
Book your FREE 15-minute intro session with The Witch’s Therapist today.
The Witch's Therapist
242 Dundas St.
London, Ontario
Canada
N6A 1H3
1-226-977-1660
► London Ontario Holistic Psychotherapy
The Witch's Therapist is located in London, Ontario and offers holistic psychotherapy therapy throughout London and surrounding areas.
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