Distress Tolerance and the New Moon in Gemini
What does distress tolerance have to do with the new moon in Gemini? What can it teach us? Maggie explores this, below.
The Witch’s Therapist is in London, Ontario, but like many of us dealing with the legacy of colonialism, my home is far from that of my ancestors.
My ancestors were guardians of the forests of the outer western Carpathian mountains.
It is from this land (the Lower Silesian Voivodeship in south-western Poland) that I write to you this month, and from this place that I am experiencing the New Moon in Gemini.
It is from this place that I am thinking about my grandmother, my mother, and myself.
Perhaps because Gemini is ruled by Mercury, I feel like I am seeing my life from multiple perspectives on this day.
The New Moon invites us into beginnings.
Meanwhile, Gemini reminds us that there is rarely only one story, one truth, or one way of understanding our lives.
It is the sign of dialogue, curiosity, and multiplicity.
Under this moon, I find myself in conversation not only with the present moment, but with generations of women whose lives continue to shape my own.
I believe that lived experience brings a richness, depth, and authenticity to theory.
Many Indigenous traditions understood that stories make it easier to remember important lessons.
Because stories carry knowledge differently than facts alone.
They allow wisdom to enter the body and remain there.
As such, I continue to share fragments of my life in hopes that you might remember the wisdom I hope to impart.
What Is Distress Tolerance? The Wisdom of Multiple Perspectives
Months before my birth, my grandmother died.
As a result, my mother fell into a deep grief.
She was a new immigrant, isolated and without the resources to attend fully to her mother's death or her own mourning.
I spent nine months floating in the waters of death, unable to escape it.
Depth therapistViolet Sherwood suggests that this kind of beginning can "seduce the child into believing its only orientation is towards death."
When distress arrived, I often oriented toward endings rather than possibilities.
Loss felt more familiar than hope.
Grief seemed more trustworthy than joy.
This is where the New Moon in Gemini offers an unexpected medicine.
Gemini teaches that there is always more than one perspective available to us.
It asks us to widen the frame.
Distress tolerance is the skill that widens that frame.
Distress tolerance was developed by Marsha M. Linehan as part of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
It’s our ability to manage emotional distress.
It’s the capacity to remain present with discomfort without being consumed by it.
It’s the ability to survive difficult emotions like grief, shame, anxiety, fear, stress, depression, or guilt.
And to do so without needing to immediately escape, numb, fix, or explain them.
In this way, distress tolerance and Gemini share a common wisdom.
What Is an Example of Distress Tolerance?
When we are distressed, our perspective narrows.
We become convinced that the feeling we are experiencing is permanent, unbearable, or all-encompassing.
It can lead us to withdraw from our community and the world around us.
It can induce avoidant behaviours as we stay clear of what may trigger our distressed feelings.
While this may feel better in the moment, it forces our world to shrink.
Instead, distress tolerance teaches us to consider an alternate narrative.
In this way, Gemini is a perfect pairing with distress tolerance.
Gemini invites another question: What else might be true?
I can be grieving and still be loved.
I can be frightened and still be capable.
The gift of Gemini is the knowledge that two things can be true at the same time.
Distress tolerance techniques include
Distraction: simply put, doing something to take your mind off the source of your distress
Mindfulness: living in the moment, reassuring yourself that you’re safe and secure, and accepting what’s beyond your control
Weighing the situation: exploring the dual nature of the source of your distress
Healing at The Witch’s Therapist
From the forests of my ancestors, I am reminded that wisdom is rarely singular.
A forest survives through diversity.
Multiple species, multiple relationships, and multiple pathways of nourishment and renewal coexist within a single ecosystem.
Perhaps the psyche works in much the same way.
Healing may not come from discovering a single truth, but from recognizing how many truths can coexist and support one another.
In that way, it’s much like the countless forms of life that make a forest whole.
At The Witch’s Therapist, we’re here to support you in your healing journey.
To find out more, we offer introductory sessions, free of charge.
The Witch's Therapist
609 William St. #101
London, Ontario
Canada
N6B 3G1
1-226-977-1660
► London Ontario Holistic Psychotherapy
The Witch's Therapist is located in London, Ontario and offers holistic psychotherapy therapy throughout London and surrounding areas.
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